Big Mouth Writes Again
Food, politics, culture and queerness
Tanned and tariffic
Capitalism is a powerful force but it’s blind followers are vulnerable to subjugation because at the heart of capitalism is the need to assert individualism and what goes with this…
Knickers
It’s still the quickest way to the top, in 3 easy steps – demonise minorities, amplify their threat and convince the mainstream they are losing grip on power. What happens…
A Trumuskian world
“I was always under the impression the world is complicated. But not a Trumuskian world. It’s simple, beautiful and orange” I was so wrong about Trump. I thought he was…
Guardian Soulmates
Even writing “Yahoo” ages me. I was convinced, like everyone else who signed up to Guardian Soulmates in 2004 that I was diving into a pool of sexy lefties with…
Crazy
“Robert was a hedonist. He was a hedonist not because he was a fag but because he was a hedonist. The best kind” A crazy person said once that “everyone’s…
Misery upon grim
The British don’t expect to be happy. On this small boot-shaped island miserableness is patriotic. The British are proudly miserable. In the depths of winter misery is a crackling fire…
Look
“You deserve to be beautiful and you deserve to be told over and over and over again” I’m in talks with an app developer about creating a new app that…
Pho lumberjacks
“Coriander is also notorious for getting stuck in foreskins and bras” When the Pho Cafe (Vietnamese street food) opened back in 2005 it blossomed flavour and freshness. Now their soups…
Wake me up before you Covid
March 2020 I was working in a hospital as Covid-19 took hold of the city. To curb the spread of the virus hospital workers were required to quarantine after work…
Protected: My best friend John
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Budae Jjigae yum
When I first heard about ‘army base stew’ I got an erection imagining soldiers in a spa soaking their war torn limbs…” When I first heard about ‘army base stew’…
Strangeways, Here We Come
Morrissey was and still is a self-obsessed jerk but I’d still give him my big toe if he ran out of vegetables. It’s a brave man who has The Smiths…
The immortal wakes
He didn’t lie with her until her mortal heart slowed, slowed, slowed, slowed to just a mumble in his big ear His yawn a tunnel through time A window too…
Ashes to ashes, tat to tut
“Babs saw all the things she loathed in herself also in her son. His loose skin and wide open heart” David Bowie said in his song Queen BitchShe’s so swishy…
Privilege
A white boy born into a poor family must find it hard to understand the idea of white privilege A black boy born into a poor family must find it…
1987
“Suddenly he sat up and pointed at me. “Haha look at the size of your mouth! You could suck 10 cocks with that!”” When I was a child my mother…
Protected: The year the drugs worked
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Mexican striptease
“I dined at La Bodega Negra the night after Kylie Minogue was seen exiting not so discretely” I’m rarely seen at the right places or attend the right parties but…
Here’s to things we love
Oh here’s to Brighton A town that says ‘do your worst’ Says here’s to the hug that won’t let go first, taking the sting out of signal failure at Three…
A Melbourne thing
“He was the perfect Melbourne waiter, reading his customers and matching any hint of enthusiasm with flirty temptation. Also known as sexy up-selling” The wait staff in Melbourne restaurants are…
Car crash romance
“Right now if I had to choose between my Italian lover Marco and Parmesan I’d choose Parmesan. He doesn’t mind. It’s Parmesan after all. Italian’s are rarely jealous if you…
Reflector
Arcade Fire had successfully recruited my body and now they were coming for my soul. I’m an Arcade Fire superfan, ready to do whatever they tell me. I buy the…
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Even if you hate heavily produced music you have to admire Kanye’s willingness to crack open his sloppy noodle brain and let us dig in with chopsticks. The longest cry…
Pub drawl
“I could smell his sweaty sideburns” I love sitting at a bar having a beer. It’s a very masculine thing to do. No one questions a man at a bar…
Roast boast
“Often a fillet from Tesco can deliver this or any raggedy rotten slab of cow, just drown it in Hot English mustard. If only we could drown the weather in…
One long sentence
years months days hours wide eyed and wet in the middle flooding the grass with grim reaped tears and teenage girl harmonies down the farm wet shuddering despair full to…
Kiss
John: a 50 year old sex therapist. Observant and funny. Magda: a 40 year old prostitute. She speaks with a strong Polish accent. Concetta: a 26 year old Italian woman…
Merlot and poutine
“I get the back table near the loos most evenings and talk with my writer friends about death” Janet’s Bar is a drinking hole slapped about with tat in the…
Pile it high
“I felt like I was floating above my dinner companions enjoying the high of pork meat that tastes like smoke and cream” Sunday’s for me are often a Bloody Mary…
Brexit fondue party
“For dessert remind your guests of the horrors of World War II” Why not hold a Brexit fondue party? Seat tightly Remainers and Leavers in equal portion at a round…
Pain
“She couldn’t blame God. A God that exists does not take your entire family in one hit, no matter what his divine plan” Boxing day 2004 and I’m watching the…
Nothings shocking
Electricity was crackling from Perry Farrell’s eyelids but all the old Jane fans could muster was a foot tap. Jane’s Addiction very kindly came to Brixton in 2014 and did…
Cheese
I can’t help but think of children using toys to convey repressed trauma. If you try and make more cheese from less cheese the holes in your plan will soon…
Invisible
“With the help of her therapist, she’s learning to chant “step forward” to physically propel her into a more central place in the conversation” Joan suffers from feelings of invisibility…
Eyes over eggs over easy
“Poaching eggs is time consuming. Antonietta knows this which is why she orders her eggs poached. Measuring her devotion” Eating with Antonietta is a front row seat to some understated…
Just desserts
“Beside the bed he saw a photo. He felt a quick rush of adrenalin as he tiptoed toward it” Reece decided it was a good idea to invite the Gilligans…
January before I leave
I can’t see my beauty for the blinding whack of yours I can’t hear my voice for the thunderous purr of yours I can’t see anything but you on my…
Ode to smack
Crushing razors To a silver paste Suck it up Slide Thud Shudder Purr Back to numb Returning home No longer sore No longer raw No shore No end To this…
Boy
Boy Waking Eyelashes Stroke my chest I know he breathes Leaving His waving Hacks and strokes my roots I know he’ll be a house again Bold and reaching for his…
Something died
Something died between us last night A spark that once flickered turned to dust It was Good Friday too and we hardly noticed the loss of what was once just ours…
Youth
His whimper in the depths of the night Not yet a beast, not even two decades out of diapers Oblivious to most things, including his beauty and my love for…