BJ Tunstall

“Often a fillet from Tesco can deliver this or any raggedy rotten slab of cow, just drown it in Hot English mustard. If only we could drown the weather in Hot English mustard” I smother my steak in Hot English mustard…

“I get the back table near the loos most evenings and talk with my writer friends about death” Janet’s Bar is a drinking hole slapped about with tat in the fading opulence of South Kensington. I love this place. I…

“I felt like I was floating above my dinner companions enjoying the high of pork meat that tastes like smoke and cream” Sunday’s for me are often a Bloody Mary at 11, Gin and Tonic at midday and a bottle…

“For dessert remind your guests of the horrors of World War II” Why not hold a Brexit fondue party? Seat tightly Remainers and Leavers in equal portion at a round table and tell them to rub the inside of a…

“She couldn’t blame God. A God that exists does not take your entire family in one hit, no matter what his divine plan” Boxing day 2004 and I’m watching the ocean swell and devour the beaches of southern Thailand and…

I can’t help but think of children using toys to convey repressed trauma. If you try and make more cheese from less cheese the holes in your plan will soon become obvious, Emmental even. Like everything cheese is a finite…

“With the help of her therapist, she’s learning to chant “step forward” to physically propel her into a more central place in the conversation” Joan suffers from feelings of invisibility. Or another way of saying it, Joan is invisible. She…

“Poaching eggs is time consuming. Antonietta knows this which is why she orders her eggs poached. Measuring her devotion” Eating with Antonietta is a front row seat to some understated and therefore overstated facial expressions. Eyes downcast, to make a…

“Beside the bed he saw a photo. He felt a quick rush of adrenalin as he tiptoed toward it” Reece decided it was a good idea to invite the Gilligans over to meet his parents. On paper the Gilligans were…