Car crash romance
“Right now if I had to choose between my Italian lover Marco and Parmesan I’d choose Parmesan. He doesn’t mind. It’s Parmesan after all. Italian’s are rarely jealous if you choose food over them” I don’t do romance. Having said…
BJ Tunstall
Reflector
Arcade Fire had successfully recruited my body and now they were coming for my soul. I’m an Arcade Fire superfan, ready to do whatever they tell me. I buy the merch and Google search “where does Régine Chassagne live?” every…
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Even if you hate heavily produced music you have to admire Kanye’s willingness to crack open his sloppy noodle brain and let us dig in with chopsticks. The longest cry in my life was to Runaway on repeat. It felt…
Pub drawl
“I could smell his sweaty sideburns” I love sitting at a bar having a beer. It’s a very masculine thing to do. No one questions a man at a bar having a beer. Even if he stinks a bit. If…
Roast boast
“Often a fillet from Tesco can deliver this or any raggedy rotten slab of cow, just drown it in Hot English mustard. If only we could drown the weather in Hot English mustard” I smother my steak in Hot English mustard…
One long sentence
years months days hours wide eyed and wet in the middle flooding the grass with grim reaped tears and teenage girl harmonies down the farm wet shuddering despair full to the ear’s brim every minor chord of gutting regret struck…
Kiss
John: a 50 year old sex therapist. Observant and funny. Magda: a 40 year old prostitute. She speaks with a strong Polish accent. Concetta: a 26 year old Italian woman. PhD student. She is English born with Italian parents. Duncan:…
Merlot and poutine
“I get the back table near the loos most evenings and talk with my writer friends about death” Janet’s Bar is a drinking hole slapped about with tat in the fading opulence of South Kensington. I love this place. I…
Pile it high
“I felt like I was floating above my dinner companions enjoying the high of pork meat that tastes like smoke and cream” Sunday’s for me are often a Bloody Mary at 11, Gin and Tonic at midday and a bottle…
Brexit fondue party
“For dessert remind your guests of the horrors of World War II” Why not hold a Brexit fondue party? Seat tightly Remainers and Leavers in equal portion at a round table and tell them to rub the inside of a…