Pub drawl
“I could smell his sweaty sideburns” I love sitting at a bar having a beer. It’s a very masculine thing to do. No one questions a man at a bar having a beer. Even if he stinks a bit. If…
BJ Tunstall
Dark heart funny face.
Roast boast
“Often a fillet from Tesco can deliver this or any raggedy rotten slab of cow, just drown it in Hot English mustard. If only we could drown the weather in Hot English mustard” I smother my steak in Hot English mustard…
One long sentence
years months days hours wide eyed and wet in the middle flooding the grass with grim reaped tears and teenage girl harmonies down the farm wet shuddering despair full to the ear’s brim every minor chord of gutting regret struck…
Kiss
John: a 50 year old sex therapist. Observant and funny. Magda: a 40 year old prostitute. She speaks with a strong Polish accent. Concetta: a 26 year old Italian woman. PhD student. She is English born with Italian parents. Duncan:…
Merlot and poutine
“I get the back table near the loos most evenings and talk with my writer friends about death” Janet’s Bar is a drinking hole slapped about with tat in the fading opulence of South Kensington. I love this place. I…
Pile it high
“I felt like I was floating above my dinner companions enjoying the high of pork meat that tastes like smoke and cream” Sunday’s for me are often a Bloody Mary at 11, Gin and Tonic at midday and a bottle…
Brexit fondue party
“For dessert remind your guests of the horrors of World War II” Why not hold a Brexit fondue party? Seat tightly Remainers and Leavers in equal portion at a round table and tell them to rub the inside of a…
Pain
“She couldn’t blame God. A God that exists does not take your entire family in one hit, no matter what his divine plan” Boxing day 2004 and I’m watching the ocean swell and devour the beaches of southern Thailand and…
Nothings shocking
Electricity was crackling from Perry Farrell’s eyelids but all the old Jane fans could muster was a foot tap. Jane’s Addiction very kindly came to Brixton in 2014 and did their album Nothing’s Shocking back to back. It was packed…
Cheese
I can’t help but think of children using toys to convey repressed trauma. If you try and make more cheese from less cheese the holes in your plan will soon become obvious, Emmental even. Like everything cheese is a finite…